It never ceases to amaze me how God can use just the most ordinary things to speak to me. I'm talking about really ordinary things.
Like vacuuming the kitchen floor. Really, God?
I have one of those hard floor cleaners that works best if you dry vacuum first and then wash. The dry vac has nowhere near the suction of a regular carpet vac, so I find myself going over and over in the same spot to pick up larger pieces of dirt, small paper scraps, etc, until I finally give up, bend over, and put it in the trashcan myself. At any rate, I had gone over a small piece of foil a few times and the vacuum finally sucked it up. Victory!
Or so I thought.
I continued to vacuum along my merry way (actually, I HATE cleaning the kitchen floor so I was not merry at all), when lo and behold, the vacuum regurgitated the same piece of foil back onto my floor. It had actually never gotten sucked up, but probably just loosely stuck on the brush.
I picked up the foil, but it in the trash can and then God spoke.
How many times have you convinced yourself that you have gotten rid of a bad attitude or a sinful behavior, just to have it crop right back up again -- regurgitating itself right back into your soul?
How many times have I promised myself that I wouldn't yell at my kids? Nag my husband? Gossip? Use passive-aggressive tactics? Use food to fill a need other than hunger? Worry?
More times than I've cleaned my kitchen floor, I'll tell you that. I still struggle at times with all of the above.
Recently someone asked me to do something that I really did not want to do. I hemmed and hawed about it, venting to my husband who stood over my shoulder to make sure my emails weren't excessively aggressive or something like that (who, me?). I came to the point where I just had to accept it, do it, and do it with a good attitude (not the, "Well, fine, I'll do it, but I AM NOT GOING TO LIKE IT!" attitude). I wanted to desire to do it because it was the right thing to do and leave all the other stuff behind. So I prayed, and really released it. And during a long, hot bath, my feelings of animosity left my heart -- a gift from God. A true change, a true shift. No negative feelings left to be regurgitated onto the floor of my soul.
I wonder how many times I have asked God to change my heart and then justified every reason why He really didn't need to change me at all.
But God, my kids' behavior is just so frustrating -- I can't help but yell! How else will I get their attention?
How else will my husband get to the gym if I don't remind him? Every. Single. Day. (Thankfully, I'm much better at this one, right, honey?)
I totally deserve this bowl of ice cream. And these 3 Oreos. It's been such a hard day...
So, I'm going to pick one of these things that always seem to reappear after I think I have done away with them and really release it. Really. Really.
Oh, this is going to be hard.
Even figuring out what to choose will be hard.