I felt like I should have written this blog entry last night, but realized that would entail being very open about my weaknesses. Who wants to show their weaknesses? But, in (ahem) unearthing them, they are forced into the light. And, where there is light, there is darkness no more. So, here it goes.
While I was pulling up the weeds, my daughter was asking why I had to use the shovel. I told her that in order to make sure the weed was completely gone from the ground, I had to make sure that I pulled it up by the roots. Otherwise, even though the top part was gone and I couldn't really see it anymore, by leaving the roots, it was just like an invitation to grow again. It wouldn't really be gone. As I went back to work, God started to nudge my heart as I was pulling out a particularly gross one -- you know, the kind that is so spiny and prickly it can get you even through your gardening gloves -- and I felt Him say to my heart, "That is your competitive spirit." Ouch. Physical and spiritual ouch. I have tried time and time again to not be so competitive, to not pay attention to who does what better than me, to who has more than me, to who seems to have it all, but time and time again I have failed. I think all those times I had just been lopping the top of the weed off, but the roots were still firmly entrenched in the soil of my heart.
Here is the insidious root -- I have learned to never be satisfied with what I have right now. I have not found full security and peace with who God has created me to be. I have looked to other things to fill places in my heart that only He can fill. Sounds like a pretty big root. But, ironically, it doesn't seem too big to handle because I know that God works on it piece by piece to loosen it from the ground. And just like any gardener knows, you have to clear out the weeds before you can plant your new flowers, lest the new blooms get choked out. So just as I look forward to my garden being full of new life and wonderful color, I know that God is preparing my heart to be the same way.
At least, this is the outlook I have now -- when the pulling actually starts to occur, we'll see if I'm still so cheerful.