1. The veil between heaven and earth may be thinner than I thought.
I have no other explanation for the perfect rainbow that greeted us at the beach. An arc of colors extending from the clouds to the ocean that shimmered in the light. For 30 years, every July, Grannie had been at the Coral Sands Inn & Seaside Cottages. This year, her presence just took another form and God allowed her to radiate in all her sweet glory in those moments when her family gazed at her beauty.
Shocking, yes. I thought so, too. In all honesty, I do not look forward to playing Barbies or My Little Ponies. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy spending time with my kids, but I'm just not much of a playing type of person. I do it, but in the back of my mind, I am usually thinking about work, housecleaning, or what is next on my agenda. At the beach where someone was doing all the vacuuming, bed-making, and where I regulated my work email to Siberia, I was...free. And when I saw my children dancing in the waves or building sandcastles, I asked them if I could play, too. There is a certain sweet smile that plays across my kid's lips when they see that I am seeking to enter their world. Somehow, probably by the grace of God, I would like this to happen in the midst of our daily lives at home, so that they know, truly, how much I value and love them.
Knowing that I am very Type A, have a very strong work ethic, and that I function way better in a house that is clean and tidy, I prayed and asked God just how #2 would happen. I asked Him if there is something in my life that I need to sacrifice. Am I doing too much? Should I give up my blog writing? Writing is the only "work" that I do that doesn't make money right now (except of course, motherhood and housecleaning, but I can't really get out of those, can I?). So, I offered it up to God to see if He would call me to lay it down. After a few days, He had made it clear that it was something He was using, both to refine me and reach others. So if nothing is leaving my life, all that is left is reorganizing it. But here is the kick -- I have to let God reorganize it and not take the reigns over every hour of my day. I usually feel anxiety if I have work hanging over my head, but that should not be the primary motivator of how my day goes. I simply cannot, and am not called to, put work first. If God wants it to get done, He will make it happen. But I need to do what He has put in front of me and then deal with the rest later. I think this translates into focusing on quality time with my kids (and by quality, I mean thinking about what I am doing with them and not x,y, and z). This all sounds good in theory, and honestly, it's been a pretty good week, but it takes a long time to build a habit...Here's hopin'!
4. Extended family is important.
This week at the beach was our annual family reunion. The past few years, my grandmother was the one that planned it. Little did I know that she was grooming me to take over. Although her presence was sorely missed, I could see her in each of my family members. There were moments of wistful nostalgia and tears of sadness, but really, we were all...joyful. We were together, celebrating her life and making new memories. Knowing I have a whole family behind me makes me feel so rich. That feeling alone propels me to keep the tradition going.
I am not built to be constantly moving or thinking all the time, contrary to my belief. I have to have a break because if I don't, I will break -- down. I have to give up my own current and allow God to bring me to shore. I have to learn to ebb and flow and sometimes, yes sometimes, in the middle of chaos and tumult, I have to pick up a good book, crawl into bed, and be. The world will still go on.
I'm linking up with Home Sanctuary http://www.homesanctuary.com/ and Andrea's Caffeinated Randomness http://www.undergraceovercoffee.com/