Wednesday, September 1, 2010

And Yet, Another Victim

Three days ago, my 90 year-old grandfather told me that he loved me for the very first time in all my 32 years.  Today, I found out that he has cancer.

The two events are not related, as he just found out this morning.  But knowing that he is ill in this way makes me cling to those precious words.

I love you.

I never doubted his love for me -- it is evident in the sound of his voice when he hears me speak on the other line.  It is in the joy of his smile when our family has arrived for a visit, which are so few and far between.  It is in his faithfulness of sending sweet Valentine's day cards every year, without fail, to me and, now, my daughters.  He has honestly always had a big heart, I think, but was just limited in his ways of expression.

When my mother called to tell me the news, I didn't cry.  But as the day wore on, I began to think of him, alone in his apartment, scared and worried.  My grandmother is currently in the nursery home of their retirement community, recovering from a fall, and I am sure that he wondered how he would tell her.  The victim of a terrible intruder, still trying to be strong for his family.  And then, I thought about my other grandmother, who has been residing in her mansion in Heaven since April.  I thought about how terrible it was to watch her die of cancer.  I thought about her pain.  I thought about her brave front.  I thought about how much I still miss her.  Every. Single. Day.

The truth is, I know very little in this moment about the severity of the situation.  He is having surgery next Thursday and then all could be well.  It could be as simple as that.

But I don't know and cancer scares me.

I've seen the journey down the road of radiation.  I've seen the journey down the road of chemo.  And I've seen the journey down the road when chemo totally and completely wrecks the body and there is nothing left to do but live out the last days in the least pain possible.

I don't want my grandfather to take the same journey as my grandmother -- down the road where the poison outweighs the strength and the cancer is allowed to thrive.  And if this is the only way to glean a few more years with him, I cannot say with every ounce of my body that it is worth it.

I just don't know.

And so my prayers are that he, my family, and his doctors would have wisdom and discernment.  I pray for peace and comfort for him, my grandmother, my mom and my aunt.  For everyone, really.  And I pray that whatever my Father in Heaven believes best, comes to pass.


  1. Oh, bless your heart! It seems that every day I hear of another "victim" of the big "C." I pray that your Grandfather's will be contained, they will be able to get all of it and he can live out his days normally without fighting cancer.

    I always enjoy stopping by your blog. Blessings to you as you face the days ahead. Our Father goes before you, leading the way.

  2. Jennifer,

    What special words to hear...

    So sorry to hear about your grandfather. I am praying for you and your family. May God give you grace to deal with this new situation, and His peace that passes all understanding.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about this terrible prognosis, Jen. I will pray for you today as you deal with all your emotions surrounding this news...

  4. I'm there with love and prayers for you, Jen. Precious words, indeed.

  5. Oh, Jen, what sweet words to hear from your grandfather... but it must be difficult for you to hear another sad news for your family. I'll be praying with you along with many others. May you all be wrapped in His peace and strengthen the family as you face another battle. God bless you grandfather with all the blessing God can afford for Him. May he be filled with overflowing joy amid trials.

  6. Praying for you, Jen. We are living that pain right now as my husband's mother lives her remaining weeks (days?). She has bravely battled ovarian cancer for 5 years. It's an incredibly painful road. I know it, and am praying that you do not have to travel it again with your dear grandfather.

  7. I'm so sorry to hear more painful news. Your thoughts and feelings really resonate as your family faces this again. We will be praying for your grandfather and your family.

  8. Jen,
    You've dealt with a lot recently and your posts reflect that ache. I've had several family members lose the fight to cancer, and as you know, the battle is grueling. I'm glad you are writing about it. I think people will easily relate and connect with what you are saying. Plus, I'm sure it is good for you to get some of this out. Thanks for sharing with all of us.

  9. Glad I stopped over from Andrea's CR. :) I look forward to reading more on your blog.

    I posted something on Sabbath-ness awhile back (and have something scheduled for this Sunday too).

    Stop by if you have time this weekend!

    P.S. - I'm following you now, but...not in a creep way. haha :)

  10. I came here to your lovely blog in search of Tea Talk from Ruth's. However, even though I can't find your Tea Talk post...I see now why the Lord has led me here today. I too, just found out that my Dad has cancer. My heart has been filling with many of the very thoughts you've shared with us.
    Please know that you and your beloved grandfather and grandmother and family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May you enjoy many more blessed and joyful moments together.
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us.


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