Halleluiah! (Did you hear the angels singing? I sure did.)
On Monday, aptly named Labor Day because that is what I did...labored...all around the house, cleaning, organizing, checking things off my to do list. My plan was to get everything done, including my work for next week's Sunday school, so that on Tuesday I could revel in sweet silence for four hours. In my house. Alone.
Do you know what happens when you try to get everything done? You fall short. Well, at least I did. I got my house in order for the most part, but my work still lay strewn across the study floor. Well, I thought, at least I can work in silence.
When I got home from dropping Hannah off, I walked into the door. It was raining outside. I lit some candles, and sat on the couch, telling God that I would at least have a 30 minute sabbath before I hit the computer. I sat with my sketchbook in my hands, my pencils laying beside me. For whatever reason, I started writing down all my flaws. Not just the petty ones, like
The list continued, as you can see below. After I finished scribbling out my ugliness, I paused. I listened. God said, Let me have the pencil. Close your eyes. Wipe out the images in your head. Let me have control.
Do you know how hard it is for me to just move a pencil around a page? No plan, no direction, no end goal? To relax and possibly end up with something just...well, not pretty? I laugh now when I think about this, considering what was already on the page was not pretty.
So, I actually let go and let God. And I just moved the pencil and tried not to make sense of which direction it was going. And the feeling?
It was a simple, tangible example of what it feels like to relinquish, to surrender, to clear the road map from my head, and just follow. To just roam where He pulls me.
I opened my eyes and there before me was no masterpiece and yet, do you know? There were now faults and flaws that I could no longer read. With His hand, He had blotted them out. And even though it was I that wrote the words on the page, I could no longer even remember what I had written.
Choosing Him and leaving my own agenda behind naturally seemed to erase some of my flaws. Looking out for what Jesus wants means I'm less concerned about myself. Striving less for perfect and more for Jesus. Controlling less and giving Him more. Competing less and contending for God.
And out of all that, new inspiration for another piece of art. A new bloom to match my renewed heart.
Jennifer's In the Studio, Rachel Anne's Home Sanctuary, and Andrea's Caffeinated Randomness today. Stop by these fabulous women and check them out!