Friday, November 5, 2010

Worthy Woman and Words with Friends

Photo credit: Pattako
I have a very real fear of things not getting done.  If I can think of more than two things that are crucial that need to be done in an imminent time period, I start to freak out.  Literally, the tasks could take me no longer than 10 minutes each, but because they must be done NOW in my mind, my stress level begins to shoot through the roof.  I'm always afraid something might come up, more tasks will be added on, that somehow time will slip away into oblivion and I will be left with  my pants down, figuratively speaking of course.  I begin to fear that I will  never have time to rest, to quiet myself, to enjoy myself.

The fear seems to be rooted in the fact that I continue, and yes, I believe I have confessed this before, that my worth is rooted in my works.  If I drop the ball, I will look like a bad person, someone who is unorganized, someone who does NOT have it together, someone who is incapable, incomplete, and frazzled.  If I don't do something that exceeds everyone's expectations, if I don't successfully leap over every task, if I am not there to meet someone's realistic need, I have failed.  It took me awhile to get over the fact that someone else was better than me at Words with Friends on the iPhone.  Just because I didn't score two 50+ words in a row does not mean that I am not smart, worthless, or easily defeated.

Oh, how silly are you, getting riled up over a Scrabble game!  Yes, I hear you. It is silly.  It's the competitive side of me, the one with the loud voice that urges me to strive, to be the best, to not let anyone or anything stand in my way to achieving all that I think I need to achieve.  But, if you see that I can get a bit messed up in the head over a game on my iPhone, you can see how actual important things might just send me over the edge.

I am actually quite proud of myself for recognizing the destructive thought patterns that I had when  my friend kept beating me at this game.  And I realized that perhaps because I was so afraid of looking less than I am, I forgot about who I am created to be.  Truth be told, there are parts of life that I am incapable of handling on my own, but if there wasn't, I wouldn't have great friends like you to support me.  Truth be told, I am incomplete with my Savior, who rescues me from the burdens of my sins and who covers me with a love that makes me whole again.  Truth be told, if I continue on this path where my works add up to the sum of my worth, I will life live as a frazzled, run-down person.

Today, I decide that is not the life for me.

I'm linking up with Rachel Anne's Home Sanctuary and Michelle at Lost in the Prairies!  Come see all the wonderful women there.

10 comments :

  1. Jen how true. It's amazing how much pressure we have from society to be more. I especially struggle with this in regards to parenting, when I see my kids as a reflection of Me and not as reflections of God.

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  2. Good morning, Jen! Like you and Michelle (above), I find it easy to place too much importance on How I Am Performing. You might enjoy my post on a similar subject... just search "competitive" on my blog. Love you!

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  3. Jen, need I say it again, you continually inspire me with your "words of wisdom." I think perhaps the "key" is balance and when our life is in balance, it just all comes together as it should.

    Love you!

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  4. Seriously, girl. I love reading what you write. Wow.

    I've recently been on a "Get Right With God" spree, too. Check out Lucinda Williams' song with the same title. Play repeatedly. :) At least that's one more tool to use while centering yourself that has helped me...:)

    Can I tell you how TERRIBLE I am with Words With Friends? I love Scrabble and I love words and I can't play that game to save my life. You would be so very happy to play with me. We shall at some point? I don't even remember my username...I'll have to look it up.

    I love your thoughts on my blog today - I am with you completely. Thanks for being real.

    You are one dear soul - just as you are. And while He loves us too much to keep us where we are, He also loves us right where we are.

    He delights in you, Jen.

    Have a wonderful weekend!!! NO WORDS WITH FRIENDS FOR A WHILE...:)

    Natalie at Mommy on Fire
    http://www.mommyonfire.com

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  5. Sounds like you're being really honest with yourself, and that's a huge step towards correcting your problem! I admire you for that.

    I've never been an overacheiver, so my problem is probably the opposite--being a bit too lackadaisical at times. :)

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  6. Oh Jen..what pressure you've been putting on yourself...I'm so glad you have recognized it and have put a balance to it. So often we have these lesser feelings abt ourselves and the devil really lays stuff on us....we all need those reminders that we are exactly who God has created us to be and we are wondeful...you are wonderful Jen.

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  7. Thank you for sharing your heart with us Jen. When you were talking about parts of your life that you are incapable of handling on your own, it made me think of something Beth Moore said at the conference I attended last weekend.

    "We are meant to live and walk powerful lives that are beyond what we can do. Our gifting requires the manifestation of the Spirit."

    He gives us the strength to do what we can't do on our own.

    Have a blessed weekend!
    -Melissa

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  8. You're not alone in your fears. And I think when we give into them and let them rule over us and keep on falling without letting God work in us and through us, that's when we're in trouble. I think a big part is recognizing it, which sometimes take a long time for some people. And accountability too! The verse that I taught my daughter this week as "No one can serve two master." and whatever has that hold over us becomes our master. So I think for all of us, me included, we need to chose God as our master because He will never fail us, He will always love us no matter what word we come up with for our word games =p hehe, and He will continue to bless us.

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  9. Love your post and your honesty. How true it is! Found you through Bloggy Moms Christian Mom Bloggers group. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. You can find me at

    http://www.fromhighheelstosneakers.com/

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  10. Hi Jen, first time over and am following you. I keep reading your posts, you have much wisdom and I look forward to reading more of what you have to say. And yes, isn't it nice to know we serve a Savior that does not save us by our 'works'. But, I am the same way... it is hard to not get caught up with all the 'to do's' in life.

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