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My friend called me today, but I didn't hear the phone. She left me a message and the last thing she said to me was, I hope you are relaxing while Hannah's in preschool today. I keep thinking about how tired you looked last night.
I literally let out an audible laugh, heard only by me and my cat. Oh, dear, you know me better than that. Relax?
But as I stood there, I knew that a part of me, well, I guess all of me, was being disobedient. I knew in my very heart that God had told me that I needed to take some time to rest today. I woke early to meet with Him, telling Him that it was going to be a long and busy day, that Craig had a meeting after work, and it would just be me and the girls until bedtime. I begged Him, Please, help me be a good mom today. Help me to keep to my challenge. Help me to be patient, and kind, and good to my daughters. To which He replied:
Well, then, you'll need some time of rest today.
To which in that moment, I think I said okay, you know, just to placate Him and all (as if you can placate God!). And, vaguely I penciled in rest on my mental calendar, and went about my day. 5 mile run, Hannah ready for school, Hannah to school, HEB, Home Depot, Christian Ed. craft planning and lesson-planning, respond to a few blog comments, encounters with some Kilz and chalkboard paint (and a pesky, curious cat), lunch, back to the paint. Time for tea. Okay, a little rest time now before I pick up Hannah, Abby, and the friend that's coming over to play today.
I sit down with my tea, my Real Simple magazine in my hand. I sip my tea, shiver under my blanket, read an article. Think about the other things I really should be doing, but then vaguely remember I agreed to rest awhile. I read another article. I remember that tomorrow is Friday and there are two link-ups that I want to participate in. I gaze over at my computer. Does blog writing count as rest? What about responding to comments? Because you know, God, I'm behind on that.
I throw my magazine on the love seat and I grab my computer. And now I'm typing away and wondering why relaxing is an art form that I cannot seem to master. Why must I be doing? What can't I rest in being? Why do the deadlines rage in my head and why can't I just tell them to quiet down? If He's calling me to rest, surely He knows how the important stuff will get done.
But see, then, that takes me out of control. I don't have the plan. And you know how much I need to have the plan.
I'm going to put down the computer, because I'm kinda feeling like I'm doing, not being, while I'm writing this. I'm going to try my hand at reading the magazine again. I have a book nearby if that fails. Perhaps I should invest in some superglue for my bum! Or perhaps, I just need Him to teach me what it means to really lay it all down. Perhaps I need to remember all those words I wrote about having a Sabbath...
Linking up at Michelle's Lost in the Prairies today! And, don't miss Company Girl Coffee at Rachel Anne's Home Sanctuary.