Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
The last month or two, it's been a time of brokenness. I've seen my sin, the thorns in my side, the ugliness behind what I show to the world but cannot hide from God. I've been wandering in this wilderness, but He has found me and I see more clearly now, this beauty from the ashes, than I ever have in my life.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
I have the fear thing down, you know, but I realized today that rarely have I allowed myself to receive the grace that truly lets my heart rest in the fact that He loves me. Fully and completely. Imperfect and broken.
I've spent so much of my life just wanting to do the right thing because I was afraid of what God would do to me if I didn't do everything just so.
But did you know this?
Mostly what God does is love you....He (Jesus) didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself to us.
Ephesians 5: 1
I think I would have gotten just as much out of the rest of the verses, had I not suddenly had the realization that this was my grandmother's favorite hymn. And that on Monday, April 4th, she will have been gone a year.
A year, I have been without my grandmother. And while it seems like eternity, it also seems like I could still pick up the phone and call her at any moment. And as I tried to hold it together for the rest of the song, I marveled at how time seems to have lessened the frequency of these grief pains, but that the pains themselves, whenever they occur, are still so deep.
The waves still crash down and, when I have a moment to myself, I will let them take me for a short ride.
Linking up with Michelle at Graceful for Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday.