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I don't trust anybody. Not fully and completely, at least.
This revelation just broke my heart. I don't want to walk around assuming people will fail me. I don't want to always envision this worst-case scenario. I don't want to have a shadow of negativity and disbelief looming over me.
I want to be a glass half-full kinda gal. I want to be optimistic and non-controlling and free.
And yet, I am a realist. People will always fail. That is their nature. That is my nature. As hard as I try to do my best, I will still fail. Things will slip through the cracks, my anger will get the best of me, I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So, if I know this about me and I know this about human nature in general, how can I choose to trust?
As I offered this question up to God, He simply said:
I noticed that if people gave me a verbal commitment to support me financially for this conference, I wouldn't truly believe them until the money was in hand or called in. Because really, what if they forgot? What if they changed their mind? What if their house fell down or they lost their job or their cat needed emergency surgery? The bottom line, in my twisted way of thinking, was this: What if they make a promise, don't follow through, and then I don't get to go?
Eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkk. Wait, what? Because who runs this show? Is it me? Is it them? Or is it God?
Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
People can come up short, but God delivers.
When people fail me, God picks up the slack.
When they hurt me, God heals.
When I mess up, God forgives.
When they forget, God remembers.
When we get off track, God redirects.
Through this revelation and process, waves of peace and restoration have washed over me. I can walk in so much more freedom now and have much more emotional energy left to concentrate on things that God has entrusted me to do -- like praying for you as your sweet faces appear on my blog for Soli Deo Gloria. Let's get the party started!
oh, and FYI...She Speaks is almost sold out, so if you are wanting to go, you probably need to register now.
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