I don't know if I've been clear on this point before or not, so I'm just going to lay it out there:
I'm terrified of disappointing God.
And because of this, I do not let Him speak lovingly over me. What I mean by this is that I will gladly take direction from Him. I will walk the way He asks me to walk. I will do the things that He has asked me to do. I will confess and repent of the things I have done wrong. I will make adjustments in my attitudes and behaviors (or at least try to, anyway). But, if He opens His mouth to tell me anything other than what falls within the above parameters, I, as they say in preschool, turn off my listening ears.
In the sermon today for Trinity Sunday, my priest was discussing one of his favorite icons. It is one that depicts the Holy Trinity, each part seated at a rectangular table, with one seat open -- for us. It is the representation of the invitation God so graciously gives us to enter into relationship with Him.
In the midst of the sermon, I caught myself sitting at the table, surrounded by God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. My mind continually bounced from being present with words coming forth from the mouth of my priest and being enraptured by the thought of sitting at a table with the Most High God. The next thing I know, Father Parker begins talking about never being rejected in His presence. He held up the offertory plate and asked, "Have you ever seen us hold up the plate after everyone has given, looked at what was brought forth, and said 'This is not good enough?' No, of course not. It is the same way with God. God will not reject you." (paraphrasing here)
And then, upon hearing these words, I was immediately back at the table. God's mouth opened and He said,
"With you, I am well pleased."
And as much as I wanted to say that this couldn't be, and that I didn't deserve any type of praise, and that I must be hearing voices, I didn't. As much as I wanted to get up from the table and flee, I stayed put. For those moments, with the affirmation that God does not reject me, despite my shortcomings and my failures and my issues, I just accepted with a humble heart.
I had failed to disappoint. Who knew failure could feel this good?
Linking with the LOVELY Michelle at Graceful.
Oh, and don't forget: Soli Deo Gloria link goes live Monday night at 8pm. Hope to see you there!