I laid in bed Saturday night, lamenting that my grandmother isn't going to be here to see Hannah go to kindergarten. Well, honestly, if she was alive, she still wouldn't see Hannah arrive in her new classroom, being that she lived in Florida and we are in Texas. But, regardless of our distance, she would hear me talking about it. And, perhaps what I crave most, I will be denied, for what I desperately want is to hear her sweet, scratchy voice tell me that it is all just going to be okay.
Because sometimes, I just need a grannie to tell me everything's going to be alright.
And then, fast forward to this morning:
I'm in a new church,
invited here by my sweet sister-in-law and her husband,
we go to pass the peace and behind us is my husband's old boss and his family.
I think of all the churches, of all the services at this church, of all the rows, of all the seats,
they are right here behind us.
Are you doing something, Lord?
Is there more forgiveness to be spoken or a friendship to be rekindled?
And the next song comes on and my thoughts instantly break from this
and I am reduced nearly to a puddle because what the band is playing,
in the true hymn form --
How Great Thou Art.
And this, my friends, is one of my grandmother's very favorite songs.
The same grandmother whose absence I am lamenting, mourning, missing so deeply.
I am awash in grief, wanting to burst from the room and let my anguish explode,
but instead my legs just start to shake because I am only letting the tears creep out
one by one.
And yet, as I pull myself together, I hear the words that she would say to me, albeit a different form, but the meaning still the same:
How great Thou art.
When I consider everything that You are, O Lord, when I consider every promise You have made to me and to my family, when I look at the losses and how your redeeming power has overcome, I stand back and say...
You are great.
You are mighty.
In everything, I can see Your hand moving, protecting, creating, if I would just look,
if I would just surrender,
if I would get outside myself,
I could see that I can trust You in Your entirety.
I can trust You with life plans, with my heartbreaks.
I can trust You in sending my little baby into the halls of her new school.
How great You are that I can live without fear.
How great You are that I can walk in assurance of unconditional love.
How great You are that I can lose someone so vital to my existence and still stand to praise You for all things.
How great You are.
How great Thou art.
Linking with Michelle at Graceful...
And Laura at The Wellspring...