Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Unrejected

Kim at Journey to Epiphany asked me to guest post today for Painting Prose.  Here is a little offering to get you to scoot on over and link up your recent work, too.
Kelli's husband took this pic.  I'm on the right.

Sunday was the marathon and on Tuesday, I got an email from the race organizers that the race photos were up.  And so I clicked on the link…

As I perused the pictures, I focused not on the fact that countenance of my face revealed that although most of the miles proved hard, they were not impossible.  I focused not on the fact that there were thousands of people running and thousands of people cheering.  I focused not on the fact that the victory picture of me crossing the finish line showed that I not only finished, but I finished strong.

I focused on none of this.  Instead, I had a breakdown about the size and shape of my thighs.  Yes, those same legs that carried me through 26.2 miles, I now looked upon with disdain.

Not good enough.
No matter how hard I try…
Why in the world would I buy the pictures that show nothing of my hard work?

This is not the first time that instead of being grateful, I have become a babbling torrent of negativity.  Instead of being thankful that my husband has a job, I complain that he has to work late.  Instead of being grateful that I’ve sold eight pieces of art, I grumble that business doesn’t seem as busy as it used to be.  Instead of building myself up with the truth of God’s word, I let the self-inflicted, injurious barbs shred my perspective, and ultimately, my heart...

10 comments :

  1. um. a) you look amazing
    b) you ARE amazing
    c) you write amazing truths we all can relate to.

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  2. Well...let me just tell you, sister, that I can relate to the "thigh" issues. Even at my lowest weight, my thighs are my "body issue."
    In fact, since I've gained about 8 lbs over the past several months, I've "joked" that each outer thigh has its own "baby butt cheek."
    But I digress...because I haven't clicked over to read the entire post and it's probably not so much about thigh size.

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  3. Oh my! I would have done the same thing. Why DO we do that to ourselves?

    There's more to life than perfection. You looked great!

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  4. If I were to shine light on the shadow of perceived "imperfections" I would say how fabulously amazing Jen!... for being in relationship with your thoughts. As an observer noticing when you go "there". Bringing awareness then to how far you have come and how much love and learning you have received. Wouldn't true gratitude be unrealized if we didn't feel imperfect? I had a teacher once tell me when you are cultivating something and you feel old patterns come back it is a sign of true growth as you are now present and fully aware of your thoughts and feelings as just that...thoughts and feelings...they come and go but they do not define who you are - your "true nature".

    There must be reason we think these things...I choose to think it helps promote abundance and opportunity :) - too far of a stretch...all love you marathon running powerhouse!

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    Replies
    1. Michelle -- I think you are so right. Yes, I think gratitude would be unrealized if we were already made perfect. What a great thought.

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  5. I left a comment on that other blog but want to ditto Tara's comment above. AMAZING!

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  6. Jen, what an accomplishment again, a full marathon, now that is INDURANCE!! So very proud of you, way to go!!!! I remember seeing pictures of me after my race how big I looked. For some reason as I train I get bigger. Maddening isn't it, when you are working your body soooooo hard! But, from I can tell, you look amazing because you are RUNNING 26.2 MILES, HELLLLLOOOOOO???? Good for you, I hope you celebrated your accomplishment!

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  7. I commented on the other blog, but I also agree with Tara. ;) We all have issues. Mine is my twin belly, which I wrote about in my other comment.

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  8. Hi Jen - my husband has been saying over the last few days how its about perspective, instead of, I hate driving these dirt roads, thank you Lord that I have a decent vehicle to drive these roads, etc. Great post
    God bless
    Tracy

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  9. Sweet girl - what a vulnerable, honest post! I sure know this struggle. Thanks so much for sharing the precious wisdom God brought you!

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