Needless to say, I'm mourning the loss of my clean floors. And the ability to jog at my own pace (although the flip side of this might be that I become a much faster runner). However, after a long period of not wanting a dog (one of my New Year's Resolutions was to to try to want one), I can actually say that I'm excited about the new addition of Hank to our family. He's incredibly active (as I type he's whining, wondering why anyone would rather be inside typing on a computer instead outside chasing a ball), which means he's helping our family become more active. And, he's super sweet and gentle. I'm sure that God will use him, as He has today, to get me away from my computer and outside for a rousing game of fetch. I think it will be an all-around good fit.
With every addition, though, comes sacrifice. This is to be expected. Jesus says,
"Then calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, 'If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" Mark 8: 34-36I hear these words come forth from the mouth of Fr. Parker and I feel convicted. I know immediately where I have been disobedient. I know immediately where I have claimed ownership over something that isn't entirely mine. I know immediately where I have been selfish.
I know this won't come as a shock to any of my long-time readers, but I've been struggling to remain faithful with my Sabbath. In fact, I've even regressed back to trying to read all the Soli Deo Gloria blogs for fear that if someone does not feel loved, they will not come back. And yes, this sounds somewhat honorable, but I'm totally confessing that I want a lot of people to come to the SDG party every week. So, it's about love and it's about numbers. It makes ME feel good to have a good turnout out the party. And I just hate that I've made something about me when the very name means "For God's Glory Alone." Really, people. Really.
Because so much of my life revolves around ministry, it would be easy for me to say that I'm taking up my cross and following Him. And, in many respects, I am. But in others, I'm being totally selfish, totally controlling, and a little self-absorbed. If the SDG community is meant to continue to thrive, it still will, even if I'm scaling back my time-committment to it. I have to be obedient to how He has asked me to spend my time -- I have to lose myself in this equation -- and follow Him wherever and however He leads. It's funny to me that right now, taking up my cross means laying my controlling nature down and just playing. Playing? I think God might think I'm a little high strung. At any rate, I have to remember that my entire life, not just the incredible online group, is Soli Deo Gloria -- for His glory alone.
(and because I just really feel the need to ask -- will you forgive me for the times that I've thought about SDG in terms of numbers and not just love?)
Linking with Michelle at Graceful, Shanda for On my Heart, Laura for Playdates, and Jennifer for Godbumps.