Afraid of what's underneath and the Soli Deo Gloria Party

It's time to pull up your chair.  Do you know you have one here in this space we call Soli Deo Gloria?  You do.  It's reserved every week only for you.  This place would be different if you weren't here and we miss you when you are gone.  This is a place filled with women who seek to honor your words, you heart, your tears, and your laughter.  Scooch in close.  You won't want to miss a word.

To read more about the Soli Deo Gloria community, please click here.

Also, SDG retreat registration is still open!!  Click here to find out more information and learn how to register.

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for some cool hammerhead pics, click here

There are many amazingly cool things that God created, but one of my favorite creatures is the hammerhead shark.  Seriously, it is one very strange looking animal whose shape I never would have thought of in a millions years.  When we were at the Monterery Aquarium, we went back to the "Open Sea" area twice just so I could get a picture of this shark.  The truth is, I love sharks.  I live for Shark Week every year (not really, but close).  Any time I have the chance to see one (behind glass), I'm there.  And yet...

I am deathly afraid of them.  Every time I stick my toes in the ocean, I think about them lurking.

I wonder how I can be so fascinated with something and yet be so terrified of it at the same time.

I think it's the same way I feel about rest.

Two nights ago, I couldn't sleep and I asked God for His help.  I found myself lying in the ocean on a raft, the sun warming my face, the waves gently lulling me to sleep.  For a moment, I felt total relaxation and peace.  And then...

...what about sharks?
...I'm not tethered to anything, what if I float out to sea?
...what if something punctures my raft and I'm out too deep and too far to swim back to shore?
...what if I lose sight of the shoreline?
...what is exactly swimming under me right this moment?
...how could God think that I could rest here?

Clearly, I was a bit wound up that night, fearing imaginary sharks underneath my imaginary raft in the imaginary ocean.  But, I think God used it as an illustration for me about rest.

If I really submit my agenda to Him, but then He tells me to scratch nothing off my to-do list, but instead to rest, I might have that moment of "ahhhh...yes...I will curl up on the couch with a book and take a day off."  And the moment of surrender wears off and I begin my diatribe:

...what about the emails I have to send?
...what about recruiting more people for the retreat?
...what about the the bills I need to pay?
...what about my class that starts in September?
...what about the kitchen floors, and the bathrooms, and the painting that I want to finish above the fireplace?

All of these things feel like hungry sharks swimming underneath my raft and if I fall off, they will eat me alive.  Tell me, have any of you ever felt this way?

But you see, I have discovered that while I am really faithful about asking God if I should take on a new event, commitment, or task, I am not very good at letting Him have His way accomplishing those things.  Anyone else guilty of this?

In other words, I don't ask for help actually accomplishing these tasks until I realize I don't know what I am doing.  But this time, I've worked myself up in such a tizzy, I'm essentially screaming at God --

HELP!  What do I do?

Imagine how I handle His answer to REST during this time.  Not very well, I tell you.  Not very well.

I've realized, though, this process is about helping me to realize and put into practice what I learned from Louie Gigilio's book:

i am not but i know I AM.

And I'm listening when He puts verses in front of me such as these:

"The LORD is going ahead of you.  He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt."

Deut. 1:30

(sure, I wasn't there in Egypt, but how many other times have I seen God fight for me in my very own lifetime?  These things I must remember.)

"But you will not even need to fight.  Take your positions; then stand still and watch God's victory."

2 Chronicles 20: 17

"When you hear the blast of the trumpet, rush to wherever it is sounding.  Then our God will fight for us."

Nehemiah 4: 20

photo source

God wants me to be here, in the midst of these tasks so that I might see Him work.  He plants me in specific places so that I might see His glorious hand.  But if I rush off busying myself with what I think I ought to do, I will miss it.  I will expend needless energy.  I will miss the moments of peace and relaxation.  I will focus on what will devour me instead of what will nourish me.

I want to be on the raft instead of treading water in the unknown sea.  Tell me, where do you want to be?  How do you stay on the raft?

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I am so happy to see your face here at Soli Deo Gloria.  Did you know we have small groups?  As SDG has grown, it started to lose a bit of the small community feel.  As such, we have groups that visit each other and leave comments for each other on SDG days so that you don't feel lost in this big blog world.  Would you like to be a part?  If so, please email me at jenfergie2000@me.com.  Also, if you are new here, please put "I am new" as your caption so that we might give you a proper welcome.