"Why did you do that??"
"Don't you know better?"
And then in quiet moments, I hear God saying to me:
"Why do you choose to continue to think that way?"
"My Word offers you something better."
I found myself in the kitchen a few days ago, wringing my hands, worrying over something yet again. I was lost in my own train of thought when these words flashed upon my heart:
"Why don't you just believe that I AM going to do something amazing?"
And I start wondering why I continually choose worry over faith, control over surrender, endless wringing of hands over palms wide open. I wonder why I choose to focus on doubting myself instead believing the great I AM.
So often I cling to the tangible, I open my ears only to what the world tells me. I get hung up on my own timetables, my own abilities, and I don't leave room for what I really do know, but choose more often than not, to ignore.
If I get really truthful with myself, I realize that even if God gives me amazing scriptural promises to hide in my heart when I am dealing with a problem or a heart-ache or worry, I feel reassured for awhile but then I start sinking when tangible solutions don't appear in a timely manner.
I put more weight on what I see than in the promises of God.
I think about my little girls and how I want them to grow up secure, knowing that they can walk in faith EVERYDAY, trusting in their Savior to be all things for them, believing that His timing is perfect.
They aren't learning this from me right now. But I want them to. And this, along with my desire to push closer into the heart of God, motivates me to engage more fully in the process of faith and surrender. Often I view letting go as such a hard thing, but I do believe that is the enemy tricking me, keeping me closed off and secure in nothing. But now, I retrain my thought processes and begin to believe that I give myself and my dreams and my opportunities back to the One who gave them to me in the first place. His Hands are gentle. They are right. They are good.
And He is good to me.
He stretches out the north over the void
and hangs the earth on nothing.
He binds up the waters in his thick clouds,
and the cloud is not split open under them.
He covers the face of the full moon
and spreads over it his cloud.
He has inscribed a circle on the face of the waters
at the boundary between light and darkness.
The pillars of heaven tremble
and are astounded at his rebuke.
By his power he stilled the sea;
by his understanding he shattered Rahab.
By his wind the heavens were made fair;
his hand pierced the fleeing serpent.
Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways,
and how small a whisper do we hear of him!
But the thunder of his power who can understand?”
Job 26: 7-14