Monday, February 11, 2013

when life feels like ill-fitting clothes and the soli deo gloria party

Welcome to the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood weekly party!  To find out ways that you can be involved in the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood, please click here.
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Sweet Sisters,

I wrote this on Wednesday and my media fast was Thursday.  I took this from my journal for SDG so you can see my heart on one of its more melancholy, thoughtful days.  Because around here, at SDG, it's all about sharing your heart, no matter what state it's in.



Sometimes life feels like ill-fitting clothes.  And you think you weren't made for this.

I beginning to wonder if it's not my body type or my size and shape or the contours of my heart and my spirit, but my sin.  Because we weren't made for sin.  We were made for union with God and sin separates the two of us.

I thought, at first, it's the calling, the daily sound of God's voice leading me out of my comfort zone, that makes for the wrong fit.  I thought He must be calling me to be more than I am, to give more than I have, to swallow more than I can chew.

But no.  It's not the shirt that is too tight.  It's all the other layers of clothing that I've donned that make me feel the near suffocation.  And I've put them on preemptively because I've pondered if the clothes He gives me will be enough to cover me.

I wondered if I'd feel naked.

I tweeted once about the armor of God and how it doesn't fit right if I have tethered on some of my own self-protective pieces.  And I think the clothes of calling might work much the same way.

In order for both to fit correctly, we have to be willing to be satisfied with the pieces that He gives us.  Whether we think they are coordinated, in style, or comfortable, is simply besides the point.

The point is that He thinks they are and perhaps I should just go with it because, well, He is God and I am not.

People tell me that I am brave, and I am in some things.  In others, I run and cower and I cloak myself in anger or hurt or silence.  Then, I'm just a girl crying in a corner.

God whispered something two days ago about taking a day away from social media and email.  And I gave Him a long list of reasons why that really wouldn't be a good idea.

But regardless of all those rambling things I said, He responded with one simple sentence.

"You need to do it because you're afraid."

And the truth is, to be completely honest, I am afraid.  Because somewhere along the way, I've grown dependent on the voices contained in the emails and in the comments and the messages on Facebook and Twitter.  Many times there are daily pick-me-ups contained in those lines and I use them to feed my hungry soul.

"I'll pick you up," He says.

And I think He's trying to address the little girl in the corner, who is crying.  The one who has not yet learned how to be brave.  The one who still has broken pieces to lay at the feet of Jesus.

"Words have power," He says.  "Feast on my Word.  I will make that little girl brave.  And I will show you how I clothe you makes Me luminous and bright."

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(linking up with Jen, for Unite, and Laura, for playdates!)


  1. I get this. I had to let something go and I didn't want to because it was hard and I don't know who I am without it. Well, I do. But I'd forgotten. He wants me to remember.

  2. I hear you. My clothes/life aren't fitting. In fact, I think I shop at the wrong store. Wait, oh not satisfied with what I've been given. Um, probably. I will think on that one a bit.

    ps You know I think you are brave. Yep.

  3. He does ask the impossible -- in our terms. And then on His terms, in His time, in His way, He makes it happen. What a God!

  4. Love your last line -- makes me think of when Moses came down from the mountain how he had to veil his face because it was so bright. -- Oh, to shine for Him brightly!

  5. Jen, I could hardly believe these words that you wrestled out here that I read when I came to link up. Comfort zones and not-so-brave and afraid . . . My heart knew exactly. . . Thank you!!! I had wrestled out similar thoughts and then to come here, and see how you so beautifully said it too! Thank you again!

  6. So very true that words have power and His Words have the Most Power! And I totally agree with you that somewhere along the line I've become dependent on the affirmation of others rather than His affirmation. Great perspective, friend. Thanks for the challenge!

  7. Beautiful, well-fitting - and your message hits a spot - that when we are hungry for anything, we need to just go to Him:) So glad your media fast stopped up that fear and hunger!

  8. Hi Jen! I think this post rings true with so many women, especially us bloggers. I agree with the previous commenter. We get burned out when we look for validation in everything BUT God. Thanks for sharing and thanks for hosting. If you get a chance, I would love for you to join me for my "Doing YOU WELL Wednesday" link up, as you my friend are ...doing yourself well! Have a blessed evening!

    Michell @Prowess and Pearls

  9. Oh, Jen, what a beautiful analogy. Amazing how I attempt to "help" God pick out my wardrobe as we journey through life. It doesn't work. Great post.

  10. i've always called it "out of sorts." but this ill-fitting clothes analogy. it works. and, kind of like amy, i sometimes shop a the wrong store....

  11. So true, Jen, that we may not realize we look for validation in the wrong places. I have learned just since the New Year that taking breaks from the technology—whether by choice, or because of illness or downed internet—does not kill us or our blogs, that it is actually a real good breather. Have a joyfully, luminous day!

  12. usually when my clothes don't fit correctly, it's because I've done something to cause that ill-fit. like, eat too much, not drink enough water so I'm bloated.
    sin is a verb.

  13. I'm wondering if you tore a page out of my journal and just posted it here... seems I can't stop wrestling with the "ill fit" of this world of social media... I love words, but don't want to fill my head with all those "good words" that drown out His Word. Wish there were an easy answer to this dilemma... like how to blog for HIM ALONE and then just be filled with HIM ALONE. Uggh....feel your angst and think you're brave and feel blessed by your willingness to just toss it out there and be honest. That's what makes you BRAVE and real. And God honors REAL. Love ya, friend.

  14. I love what Michell Pulliam wrote above--
    Our validation must come from Him.
    Trusting, as you wrote, that He will pick us up...He will be enough.
    Appreciate this one a lot Jen.
    Love, K

  15. I just love your thoughtful, deep heart here Jen. Words we all need to hear, that it is o.k. to give Him our pieces. To lay it all at His feet. To be content with His call, His purposes, His plans. That we might be made nothing. And that He alone might be all there is left at the end of the day! Thanks for linking with UNITE! Blessings today, dear friend!

  16. I echo the truth you are revealing. Thanks Jen. I've been reading "Embracing Obscurity: Becoming nothing in light of God's Everything." Wow. It is revealing my pride and dependance on the validation of others...
    You are such a gift...I say it because it is true. Thank you for leading the sisterhood.
    Summer Gross @ a thirst for God (apparently wordpress won't let me comment and I'm tired of not commenting on your site.)

  17. I like to layer clothes on clothes when the weather is so cold. The top layer needs to be larger so I am not so ill fitted. I suppose God's garments are always so fitting and comfortable too, nothing too tight, wrong color, or sloppy big. :-)

  18. Wonderful analogy, Jen! He has outfitted us with armor, with the ornament of a meek and holy spirit, if we choose to wear them and not layer on the world's filthy rags. Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!

  19. You know I get this, Jen! What a great analogy. I was just reading in a Beth Moore study yesterday about callings. In a nutshell, with what we feel our calling is, God does not want us to be surrendered to our assignment. He wants us to be surrendered to Him! Yes, you are brave in taking the detours He is leading you through and surrendering fully to Him (the clothes He is providing you.) :) Be blessed sweet friend.

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  21. This is what drew me in to your blog in the first place--all the authenticity and honesty you offer us. It's not an easy road but oh, how it ministers the the heart in ways the "perfect" never will.


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